day 10: what’s your most embarrassing moment?

Not being the coolest kid in town gave me a lot of embarrassing moments to remember.

I used to stutter when the teacher asked me to read a passage from text book, friends mocked and laughed at me was a normal thing for me, so it was no longer embarrassing for me at the end. Luckily, I have my best friend having the same problem. We are still best friend until today.

But, I want to write something else, the moment that I felt embarrassed to myself and almost drown me into deep depressing moment. Not many people knew this.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI was a stock trader for life. The stock market for a day trader is a gladiator arena, where you enjoy your triumph or you are slaughtered by other traders. There’s only win or lose situation, kill or being murdered, profit or lose. None in between.

I won much since I started trading in 2006. Much for me, it’s not a billion dollar, but if I was able to beat the market index each year, I would say that it was more than good.

Until 2008, when the global financial industry melted down because of  the subprime mortgage crisis (of should I say fraud) in the US. If you want to know further about this, I recommend you to watch Inside Job, The Big Short and Too Big Too Fail. Those movies describe vividly about what happened that time.

I lost all I had got. Every trade I made seemed always wrong. Awful decisions every day. The more trades I executed, the worse outcome I got. I forgot my own reading rules, I omitted my stop loss limit, and I over traded. Doomsday.

To make it worse, my broker did a fraud. They manipulated and stole money from the clients, by not putting the money into a trustee account then ran away.

It had been an embarrassing moment for me, because I always thought that I was good, I was the winner and I would not lose the money. But, this had put me back to the square one. It took me almost a year to open new trading account and started from the scratch.

I always love trading, that is my passion. I learned a lot from this moment. That’s life, you try, make mistakes, then you try again.

Now, I am more vigilant, not taking risk more than I can afford. But, life is always about taking risk, isn’t it?

I wrote this on the AIR flight to Auckland.

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